October 15, 11:20 AM — Portland Vampire Examiner — by Devon Downeysmith
The Vampire Diaries is my guilty pleasure show. It’s the “snickers” I hide by the bedside table and steal bites of when you’re not looking. For a vampire connoisseur, this damn show may be my downfall. But I can’t hide any longer and find I must reveal, unabashedly, the clearly identifiable truth that I just love this silly show. So the actors are playing high schoolers and are in their 20’s. So what. They don’t even look like high schoolers. It’s pretty obvious they’re in their 20’s. So what. So we’ve got magical rings that make daylight no problem, vampires who drink liquids other than blood, over-the-top fog machines that appear in nearly every scene, the stereotypical crow whose existence serves as a premonition of bad things to come, the sepia-toned old photograph revealing (you guessed it!) that main human protagonist/love-interest looks EXACTLY like main vampire protagonist’s long-lost love from his pre-vampire time. So cliche from start to finish. So what, so what, SO WHAT!
Ignore the cheesiness and join me in a magical world where Boone from Lost is a deviant vampire whose looks could kill, a strong man by the name of Damon whose pansyish brother, Stefan, is sensitive but brooding and has washboard abs. Indulge yourself in this strange, nonsensical wonderland where jerky teachers get killed off before Homecoming, and where your boyfriend’s face turns downright ooogly when he can’t contain his bloodlust.
Plus – the Vampire Diaries is also an educational experience! Here are some of the things I’ve learned so far:
1) Good shows spend money on fog machines, not actors.
2) If you wait long enough, your long lost love will be reborn and look exactly the same – so just stick it out!
3) Vampires in leather jackets can save the world!
4) Don’t go to the woods to see a comet because you will die.
5) Vampires react to blood the way I respond to cake.
6) Vampires will do anything to get their girl. Even if it means going back to high school.
7) It only takes 5 episodes to figure out your boyfriend is a vampire.
The Vampire Diaries is just plain fun. So the writing may not be that great, the acting a little exaggerated at times, and the vampire stereotypes are played out to the max…but I don’t care. With no date for True Blood season 3 in sight and one whole month left until New Moon, the Vampire Diaries is a sweet, nourishing oasis in a desert without vampires. When I reviewed the pilot script I predicted that the show would be "sick", and I find now that I am not too far off from my original prediction. Just like too much snickers this show is sick good - and also slightly nauseating. Try it out – what have you got to lose except your precious brain cells?
Devon Downeysmith is also a self-proclaimed Vampire Nerd, and you can read more of her musings at www.vampirenerd.com. About the site: It's kind of tongue and cheek, but it's also serious. Not like dead serious, more like UNDEAD serious. Because we're not goths or emo kids. We don't sit around in black velvet pants with fake fangs pretending that we're vampires. We are real people with real jobs and real lives. So, we sit around in regular pants with regular teeth...and we talk about vampires a lot. Okay, truthfully...we talk about vampires all the time.