Having your very own dark and sexy vampire boyfriend would of course totally rock all sorts of awesome. But like most good things there are a few downsides to it as well. Why would it suck having a vampire as a boyfriend? Read on…
1. Vampire bite marks on your neck are way harder to cover up than a hickey some mortal boy may give you. It’ll take a bit more than concealer to cover that baby up; I suggest investing in a lot of scarves.
2. You know how parents always want to have a nice family dinner with your new boy to get to know him better? Well, that’s a little hard for someone that only drinks blood. “Uhh… I’ll just have a steak… super rare.” I’m sure he’ll raise a few eyebrows during dinner.
3. No fun in the sun for you guys. Say goodbye to warm and sunny trips to the beach.
4. He uses speech from hundreds of years ago, which makes you scratch your head trying to figure out what the hell he is saying. “What hath thee wrought?” Say what?
5. Sleeping all day so that you can hang out with him at night is totally killing your tan.
6. He is soooo much older and wiser than you. Meaning, you can’t win any arguments. He’ll be pulling out the immortality card whenever he can. “When you’re 500 years you’ll understand!” Lame.
7. Angst, lots of angst. Yes, he may have you in his life, someone to love and warm his cold blooded heart, but he’ll still have his emo days. Expect him to go into dark brooding mode a lot, going on and on about all the horrible things he did in his “early years.”
8. He is easily overwhelmed by our modern technology. Ever try explaining to a grandparent how to use a computer? Frustrating right? Imagine having to explain it to a centuries old vampire. “Back in my day we had carrier pigeons, none of this e-mail or texting nonsense!”
9. You keep cutting your tongue on his sharp fangs. Sure, after a while you learn the art of kissing a vampire, but for a while there every kiss results in you nicking your tongue on those fangs. Then your tongue bleeds which triggers that blood lust of his, which is a whole other issue there. Some days you just aren’t in the mood for a good ol’ blood draining.
10. No warm cuddles. Being undead and all means he’s a bit on the chilly side, so you’re stuck cuddling a chunk of ice.
- Moonlight [previously published at Vampires.com]