Thursday, December 31, 2009

10 Reasons It Sucks to Have A Vampire Boyfriend



Having your very own dark and sexy vampire boyfriend would of course totally rock all sorts of awesome. But like most good things there are a few downsides to it as well. Why would it suck having a vampire as a boyfriend? Read on…
1. Vampire bite marks on your neck are way harder to cover up than a hickey some mortal boy may give you. It’ll take a bit more than concealer to cover that baby up; I suggest investing in a lot of scarves.
2. You know how parents always want to have a nice family dinner with your new boy to get to know him better? Well, that’s a little hard for someone that only drinks blood. “Uhh… I’ll just have a steak… super rare.” I’m sure he’ll raise a few eyebrows during dinner.
3. No fun in the sun for you guys. Say goodbye to warm and sunny trips to the beach.
4. He uses speech from hundreds of years ago, which makes you scratch your head trying to figure out what the hell he is saying. “What hath thee wrought?” Say what?
5. Sleeping all day so that you can hang out with him at night is totally killing your tan.
6. He is soooo much older and wiser than you. Meaning, you can’t win any arguments. He’ll be pulling out the immortality card whenever he can. “When you’re 500 years you’ll understand!” Lame.
7. Angst, lots of angst. Yes, he may have you in his life, someone to love and warm his cold blooded heart, but he’ll still have his emo days. Expect him to go into dark brooding mode a lot, going on and on about all the horrible things he did in his “early years.”
8. He is easily overwhelmed by our modern technology. Ever try explaining to a grandparent how to use a computer? Frustrating right? Imagine having to explain it to a centuries old vampire. “Back in my day we had carrier pigeons, none of this e-mail or texting nonsense!”
9. You keep cutting your tongue on his sharp fangs. Sure, after a while you learn the art of kissing a vampire, but for a while there every kiss results in you nicking your tongue on those fangs. Then your tongue bleeds which triggers that blood lust of his, which is a whole other issue there. Some days you just aren’t in the mood for a good ol’ blood draining.
10. No warm cuddles. Being undead and all means he’s a bit on the chilly side, so you’re stuck cuddling a chunk of ice.
- Moonlight  [previously published at Vampires.com]

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Review: The Poison Eaters by Holly Black


This is a Young Adult anthology of a dozen short stories, some previously published in other anthologies or magazines.  But don't let the 'teen' label steer you away from the read.  This collection will entice even adults.

The first story, "The Coldest Girl in Coldtown" is the only vampire story, and it's excellent.  Black puts a new twist on the vampires-rule-the-world plot and you won't expect the surprise ending.

In "A Reversal of Fortune" a clever girl goes up against the devil in an eating contest.  "The Night Market" pits a young girl against a wicked elf.  "The Dog King" is a true faery tale.  "Paper Cuts Scissors" is one of my favorites, which finds a young man on a quest to rescue his girlfriend from a book.  Most of the stories feature a strong young woman defying the odds, and cleverly winning against a supernatural rival.  All the tales are filled with a dark wonder that'll either make you grimace or smile wickedly.  For fans of Holly Black, this anthology is a must-buy.

THE POISON EATERS is available February 1st from Small Beer Press.

Holly begins a new series in May with WHITE CAT.

Other books by Holly Black you may enjoy:

And the winner is...

The winner of Michael Thomas Ford's JANE BITES BACK is...

...Linda Henderson!

Linda, please email vampchixmail@gmail.com with your snailmail address.

Congrats!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Guest: Michael Thomas Ford


Please welcome Michael Thomas Ford to VampChix today!  His latest, JANE BITES BACK, officially hits bookstore shelves tomorrow.  So rush out and grab a copy!  Michael has generously offered to give away a copy to one lucky commenter (winner announced on Wednesday).  So give him some love in the comments, and perhaps you can answer the question he brings up below: Would you want to be turned into a vampire?

Romantic Times BookClub give JANE BITES BACK 4 stars, and says this, "Ford gives us an authentic, sympathetic and witty Jane Austen as a modern-day vampire complete with angst and emotion as she faces the challenges of a rediscovered career and love.  An inventive mashup plot coupled with creative storytelling and amusing dialogue make this story a delightful read."

In 1972 my family was living in Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of the Congo), where my father worked for the U.S. State Department. I was four.

Every so often my father would bring home movies that the embassy received from the office in Washington. This was before the invention of DVD's, of course, or even videotapes. The movies came on big reels, which my father played on an old projector using the living room wall as a screen. Movie nights were always a thrill for my sisters and me, even if the choice of films was limited to whatever the government thought we would like.

I remember only one film in detail. It was The Return of Count Yorga. Count Yorga, played by Robert Quarry, was a kind of second-rate Dracula crossed with Hugh Hefner. He masqueraded as a psychic in Los Angeles, wore velvet smoking jackets, and seduced a lot of pretty girls.

The image I recall most clearly from the movie is of a hand breaking through the earth and grabbing at someone running through a yard. I had nightmares about that hand for years. Actually, I had a lot of vampire dreams in general because I watched a lot of classic vampire films growing up. Nosferatu, Dracula's Daughter, House of Dracula, The Brides of Dracula, Son of Dracula, Horror of Dracula, and of course Dracula. That was my favorite. Every Saturday, when one of the local television stations showed several hours of monster movies, I hoped one of them would be a vampire film. And often it was.

When I began writing fiction, my first book for young readers (Lights, Camera, Die! written for the Spinetinglers series under the name M.T. Coffin) drew on this love of monster movies, featuring some of the characters that had thrilled me so much, including of course vampires. Vamps would also have starring roles in some of my first fiction for adult readers, including the short story "Angel Baby" (included in Brothers of the Night, Cleis Press, 1997) and the novellas "Sting" (included in Masters of Midnight, Kensington Publishing, 2003) and "Carnival" (included in Midnight Thirsts, Kensington 2004).

Now that my novel Jane Bites Back is out, people inevitably want to know how I came up with the idea of turning Jane Austen into a vampire. The truth is that it was an accident. In the spring of 2008 I was talking to my agent about the sad state of publishing.

"The only things selling are vampires and Jane Austen," my agent said.

"I should do a novel about Austen as a vampire," I joked.

A week after we sent out the proposal I had a three book deal and was writing the first one. But that's when another problem presented itself: Just how vampire-y were the books going to be? I knew I wanted Jane's vampirism to also work as an allegory about her remaining "alive" through her work but unable to enjoy any of the profits being made from it. After all, the book is called Jane Bites Back. There had to be some revenge in it somewhere. But I didn't want it to be too bloody. That just wasn't very Austenish.

In the end the book leans much more to the comedic side, which I think works well. It suits Jane's personality, as well as mine. But there's an unmistakable air of the romantic vampire stories from those early films running through it as well, in the story of who turned Jane and why. After all these years I'm still in love with those stormy nights when the wind blows open the bedroom windows, letting in the Prince of Darkness.

Speaking of that, the other day someone asked me if I would want to be turned if I had the chance. The answer to that is absolutely. I would love to watch what happens to the world over the centuries. Yes, the whole blood thing would become tiresome, but would it really be any worse than wandering around the supermarket trying to decide what to munch on? As someone who dreads the "What should we have for dinner?" question, I think not.

I hope people like vampire Jane. I mean she's no Bella Swan-Cullen. She spends more time agonizing over being perpetually middle-aged than she does fretting about being undead. Also, there are no hunky werewolves to distract her. But she's feisty, and funny, and she has bad hair days.

Frankly, I think she could kick Bella's ass.

Michael Thomas Ford is the author of a whole bunch of books. Check them out at www.michaelthomasford.com. You might also want to visit him on Blogger, LiveJournal, Facebook, and Twitter.   Read the first two chapters of JANE BITES BACK here.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Taking it easy here at VampChix over the holidays, so not so many updates or articles.  But we'll get back into the swing of things next week.  Be sure and stop in on Monday to read about our guest Michael Thomas Ford's take on Jane Austen and vampires.  He'll be giving away a copy of JANE BITES BACK!

Friday, December 25, 2009

On the 12th Day...

On the 12th Day of Christmas Count Dracula gave to me...

Twelve Bloodsuckers brooding


Eleven werewolves howling



Ten Counts a-counting



Nine Vampirella's vamping



Eight slayers slaying



Seven seasons of Buffy



Six hungry Lost Boys



Five sparkly Edwards!



Four bloody necks



Three satin capes



Two pointy fangs



and a Vampire in a Coffin



MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!  HERE'S TO AN AWESOME NEW YEAR!

THANKS FOR READING THE VAMPCHIX BLOG!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

On the 11th Day...

On the 11th day of Christmas Count Dracula gave to me...

Eleven werewolves howling



Ten Counts a-counting




Nine Vampirella's vamping



Eight slayers slaying



Seven seasons of Buffy



Six hungry Lost Boys



Five sparkly Edwards!



Four bloody necks



Three satin capes



Two pointy fangs



and a Vampire in a Coffin



Wednesday, December 23, 2009

And the winner is...

Booklover0226!

You've won the copy of Terence Taylor's BITE MARKS.  Congrats!

Please send your snailmail address to vampchixmail@gmail.com

On the 10th day of Christmas...

On the 10th day of Christmas Count Dracula gave to me...

Ten Counts a-counting



Nine Vampirella's vamping




Eight slayers slaying




Seven seasons of Buffy




Six hungry Lost Boys




Five sparkly Edwards!




Four bloody necks




Three satin capes




Two pointy fangs




and a Vampire in a Coffin




Tuesday, December 22, 2009

On the 9th day of Christmas...

On the 9th day of Christmas Count Dracula gave to me...

Nine Vampirella's vamping



Eight slayers slaying




Seven seasons of Buffy




Six hungry Lost Boys




Five sparkly Edwards!




Four bloody necks




Three satin capes




Two pointy fangs




and a Vampire in a Coffin