Tuesday, February 18, 2014

"Supe" jokes with Stan Markowski

Today's guest post comes to us courtesy of Justin Gustainis, author of Known Devil and creator of the Occult Crimes Unit. Enjoy! ~Anna

Stan Markowski’s Favorite “Supe” Jokes

Stan Markowski is a Detective Sergeant in the Scranton (PA) Occult Crimes Unit.  He lives in a world where supernatural creatures really exist, and everyone knows it – so there are plenty of occult crimes to investigate.

Stan has a friend in Lacey Brennan, a cop in nearby Wilkes-Barre who has a job similar to his.  But Lacey has a bad habit – every time she talks to Stan she begins the conversation with a dumb “supe” joke.  Stan has known Lacey for some time, so he’s heard quite a number of “howlers.”  Here are a few of the best (although everything’s relative).

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
That depends on what you want it changed into.

These two tourists from East Podunk walk into a bar in Scranton one night.  The place is crowded, so it takes a while to get service. There’s a guy sitting at a table near the window, and while the tourists are waiting, the moon comes out from behind the clouds and casts its light through the window.  Within a minute the guy has been transformed into a growling, howling werewolf.  When the waiter finally gets to the tourists’ table and asks for their order, one of them points toward the werewolf.  “We’ll have what he’s having.”

A group of lawyers went camping in the mountains of Transylvania.  They spent a week sleeping outdoors, but not one of them was attacked by a vampire.  Know why?  Professional courtesy.

A zombie shambles into a bar.  “What’ll you have?” the bartender asks him.  
It takes a while, but the zombie finally manages to say, “Urggh … double scotch.”  
The bartender serves him and says, “That’ll be ten dollars.”  
The zombie fishes out a ten and drops it on the bar.  
“You know, we don’t get many zombies in here,” the bartender says.
The zombie takes a drink.  “These prices … uhhhh … not surprised.”

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a dwarf?
Something undead that keeps biting your kneecap.

A vampire walks into a bar with a parrot perched on top of his head.  The bartender looks at him and says, “Where the hell did you get that?”
“Transylvania,” the parrot says.  “There’s thousands of them.”

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